Loser of the Week (Week 8)
WHY WE ALL MUST LOVE IOWA STATE & McDONALD'S UNIFORMS... AND WHY WE MUST NEVER, EVER, RISK BEATING A COLLEGE FOOTBALL 'LOSER OF THE WEEK'
* W I S D O M * O F * T H E * W E E K*
“When you don’t win, you won’t win."
-- Iowa State coach Gene Chizik
If statistics, science and star-alignments are to be trusted, the one thing you don't want to do in this wacky year of college football is BEAT the Loser of the Week (LoW). Here in the LoW offices we've uncovered a trend, perhaps a curse. As our 'Loser of the Week' follow up their attention-getting losses with wins (6-1 in the game after) and the teams that beat them are falling (2-6). See the proof above, then reflect.
LOSER OF THE WEEK: Iowa State
Even the Des Moines Register expected little from the little Cyclones biggest matchup of the year (at home, versus #5 Oklahoma). Their preview was headlined ‘Realistically, Cyclones face yet another rout.’ Yet, a week after a 3-56 massacre loss versus Texas, Iowa State’s 116th best offense in Div 1 football got an early TD and held the nation’s most efficient quarterback to 0 points in the first 37 minutes. Throughout the windy game, the Cycs seemed a step ahead of the Sooner, crowding the line and keeping OU’s running attack in check until the fourth quarter. The 30-point underdog (who had given up 42 points per game the last four tries) held OU to 17. They might have 'pulled a Stanford,' but had three red-zone possessions come up empty, including a fourth-quarter interception with minutes remaining and OU up by only seven. The effect is felt in Sooner Nation, as OU fell from #5 to #6 (despite #2, #6, #7 all losing this week).
Iowa State lost 7-17.
FOUR REASONS TO LOVE IOWA STATE
Moral losses are/aren’t accepted.
Coach Gene Chizik wouldn’t accept any sort of moral victory by the close loss to Oklahoma, but you wouldn’t guess it from the quotes streaming out of the lockerroom. Linebacker Jesse Smith said ‘They didn’t think we were tough… we showed them.’ Chizik even said ‘I was proud of our efforts. I don’t feel like we took the same amount of steps back as we did last week.’ A coach that measure pride in lack of steps backward, something we at LoW offices applaud.
It’s a bird, it’s a tornado! Um, actually it’s both?
When studied at length, the stripeless Iowa State helmet's logo — a cyclone, topped with a cardinal, with teeth — baffles even the most imaginative or PCP-influenced. And we at LoW offices like that in a football helmet. The word cyclone (a tornado of sorts) comes from Greek kyklon (moving in a circle), which is something Iowa State football has done for decades: mediocre→not very good→hey we beat Iowa! →somehow squeaked out a ranking then blew a game to 3-7 Kansas→mediocre. 
Fries come with every punt.
We’re used to the embarrassment of watching pudgy baseball managers walk to the mound in uniform, but only Iowa State asks their coaches to suit up: in something disturbingly looking like McDonald’s regional manager gear. The outfit, modeled above by first-year coach Gene Chizik and an assistant coach, dotted the Cyclone sideline. Somehow no one in the locker room had a ‘what are the odds we wore the same shirt and shoes today!’ moment and thought to adjust. What makes it worse is the flashy, circa 1988 USFL logo gold and cardinal stripes interlocked on a white shirt and the aggressively pleated black slacks.
Let love rule, and the fans pick the helmet.
Teams lacking tradition play with their uniforms more than teams with long-standing tradition — compare the looks of Alabama, Notre Dame or Penn State with Iowa State, Fresno State or even Oregon. This year, Iowa State decided, screw it, let the fans decide, giving the vote of three rather ho-hum, yet retro-oriented helmet choices, presumably for next season. LoW would like to suggest a fourth option: black block letters on a white helmet saying ‘IS.’ The ad campaign for season tickets could be ‘Who’s a Cyclone fan?/I IS, I IS.’
PAST LOSERS
See the charts above for the curse. Week seven's loser (North Carolina) did not play in week eight.
LoW ARCHIVE
Week 7 Risks of men not wearing a ponytail.
Week 6 Sweet moustache and TV.
Week 5 Picking Buckeyes, thanking god.
Week 4 Things to do in Tulsa.
Week 3 The world's greatest piece of art (in Canada).
Loser of the week, Iowa State, curses, graphs, McDonald's uniforms
