The Sports Randomizer
-Stephon Marbury defended Mike Vick (in the most idiotic statement since Clinton Portis uttered "it's only dogs,") equating dog fighting to deer hunting and maintaining that dog fighting is just a sport. Now if only we could set up a bloodsport match between Portis and Marbury, where only one leaves the ring alive, we could raise the cumulative IQ of the world by a significant margin.
-Sidney Crosby of the NHL launches a clothing line. Americans everywhere wonder to themselves "who the hell is Sidney Crosby?"
-The judge for Odell Thurman's probation violation charge asserts that the NFL are hypocrites for suspending Thurman for drunken driving while simultaneously accepting sponsorships from beer companies, as well as selling alcohol at games. It is, after all, the NFL's fault that millionaires can't afford taxi cabs.
-Latrell Sprewell had his $1.5 million boat repossessed after defaulting on a mortgage loan. How is he supposed to feed his family now?
-Ari Fleischer is worried that wooden bats will turn American kids towards video games, lacrosse and soccer. Worse yet, it could make them communists.
-Bill Murray was arrested for drunk driving … a golf cart … in downtown Stockholm. But he doesn't have to stay for the trial, so at least he has that going for him. Which is nice.
