Not so fast! 

What the hell is going on with the NBA? Old players, with lots of arthritis, seem to be coming out of nowhere saying they want back on the court. Is this a last ditch effort to get that elusive ring? Is it a hunger to be back on the court and in the middle of the action? Or are they just missing all those "around the way girls".
Any way you look at it the geriatric movement has officially begun in the NBA. Time for the trainers to stock up on Geritol and Depends 'cause the over forty club is back. It seemed to happen overnight that three over the hill, once upon a time ballers have thrown their names back into the pile of mediocre NBA players looking for a home.

Penny Hardaway just signed a deal with the Miami Heat and has thus been reunited with his old Florida "friend" Shaq. Apparently Pat Riley feels that Penny will be able to help the team in many different ways; like how to get the early bird special at Denny's. This team is now so old they won't have to wait to tell their grandchildren stories of when they played in the NBA. And, the Miami Heat are so sure that Old Man Hardaway will not make it through an entire season, the contract they had him sign only pays him in full if he makes it 'til January. The Heat's weird version of a prenup. Are you kidding me? Why sign an old arthritic, chronically selfish, retired has been you already know isn't going to make it half way through the season? Perhaps the Heat front office came across this. Maybe they just wanted a little of that witty Lil' Penny banter in their locker room. Or maybe they were especially moved by the super passionate high five! Whatever the reason you can be sure the Heat have become the nursing home of the NBA.

And speaking of nursing homes, Reggie Miller is considering leaving the TNT "washed up NBA players" family to pursue a career of logging more hours on the bench than on the court. It has been reported that Danny Ainge (who today signed a center who should be retired) and Miller have discussed a return to the NBA. Apparently Reggie asked if Danny if he would dish him a couple passes out on the far wing, and Ainge said "why the hell not." However according to sources(See: Rick Pitino) Bird, Parish, and McHale still have not walked through that door. But don't tell Reggie. He just can't wait to get his hands on some "little playing time", and a good respite from his wife. But he'll get two minutes of garbage time, drop a couple of the threes and the crowd will go wild. He'll be sort of like a half time show at the end of a game. And isn't that how every pro athlete wants to end his career?

Did someone say end of his career? Does anybody remember Allan Houston? Yup, that's right. Allan is also seriously considering trying to get a ring. He wants to show everyone that just because you don't play basketball when you're under contract with a team doesn't mean that same team isn't stupid enough to try to pull you out of retirement. And according to Marc Stein at ESPN "all deals with Houston go through The Knicks". And that's just perfect for Houston 'cause no team wastes more money on players who can't play than New York.

Oh yeah...Charles Oakley and his fat old ass also want some minimum salary contract money.

Could someone please explain to me what is wrong with the young guys?